With my soul I have desired You in the night,
Yes, by my spirit within me I will seek You early;

Isaiah 26:9

Often times I will lay in bed at night, unable to sleep. I used to lay awake for hours, thinking about all sorts of things. When I was 12 or 13 I asked my dad about this, and he gave me this advice: “It’s one of three things; an attack by the devil, a prompting from God, or just life. If it’s an attack, then read your Bible. That is exactly what he doesn’t want to happen. If it’s a prompting from God, read your Bible. He may be trying to show you something, or get you to pray for something. If it’s just life, then read your Bible. That will calm you down, and it’s good for you, and it might just put you to sleep.” That worked for quite a while, and in my twenties I finally was able to go to sleep without hours of tossing and turning.

Just recently, my sleeplessness has returned. This is definitely different, however. I spend a lot of time unable to sleep when I go to bed. I mostly just pray, and talk to God about different things. It has been good, but there’s something different about it. I believe it’s because my soul is desiring God.

In the mornings, many times I hear God say “get up”. He’ll tell me to take a shower (yes, God tells me to take a shower), and then whispers other little things to me. No earth-shattering prophecies of who the next president will be, but rather life-shattering revelations of who He is, and who I am in Him. “I love you.” “I desire to be intimate with you.” “I like you.” When I start the day out this way, I seem to hear Him throughout the day. When I ignore the “get up” command, I rarely hear Him the rest of the day.

I believe that there is a difference between your soul desiring God at night and your spirit seeking Him in the morning. There is definitely a difference in my flesh. At night, I can’t sleep. My body cannot go to sleep. So my soul desires God. Not the worst thing to do, in fact, it’s much better than pretty much anything else I could be doing at that time. I also could count swirls on the ceiling (I have excellent night vision) or I could get up and do some work. meh. However, in the morning, my spirit seeks God. That’s pretty cool. Seeking God is one of His favorite games, because then He allows Himself to be found. Your spirit knows how to seek. My flesh, however, is perfectly capable of sleeping in the mornings. I believe that’s one reason God tells me to shower. He has grace. But despite my body and soul not desiring God, my spirit seeks Him. When you subject the soul to the spirit, then your heart is right with God. When your soul is not submissive to your spirit, then your heart is not right with God. And your body just wants to sleep.

Now please don’t misunderstand. I believe it is great for our soul to desire God, AM & PM. I believe desiring Him through the night sets you up for a great game of Hide-and-Go-Seek Seek-and-Then-Find in the morning. And it’s a wonderful game.

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