have you ever been dumped? ever been told by your friends afterward, “hey man, don’t worry about it. there are other fish in the sea“? well, apparently, they were wrong.

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compassion is an interesting thing… i believe compassion is an action. how do you know if you have compassion? it’s when something happening in someone else’s life actually touches you deep within, and changes you as a result. not necessarily a big change, but a change nonetheless. and this change in your heart causes a change in your actions. maybe imperceptibly, a kind word or a prayer in response to someone’s need, but a change nonetheless. your attitude will change as well… the more you move in compassion, the more you see things as God sees them.

my problem has been of late that i have allowed cynicism to creep in… cynicism is similar to compassion, in that it produces changes in your attitudes, and likewise changes in your actions. the key difference is that rather than opening yourself up to be touched by someone else’s life, you build a wall there, closing your heart off from being touched by their life. this is a defensive mechanism, stemming from a desire to avoid pain. unfortunately, you avoid a lot of blessings as well.

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i’ve had a rather interesting week. it’s been one surprise (some good, some bad) one after the other. i’ve been taken in as a confidant, i’ve given my heart, i’ve had someone else give their heart to me, i’ve had my own heart returned to me with a “oops, sorry, wrong guy”, i’ve been told “i’d marry you if i wasn’t marrying this other guy”, i’ve been told i’d make a great husband, i’ve had a favorable performance review (i got a raise! yay!), and that’s not to mention the normal work, school, and extracurricular projects i’ve had to do.

but on the upside, i made chili! it was kinda fun, coming home on friday and just dumping a bunch of stuff in a pot and cooking. it felt good.

i don’t know how much more introspective to get… it’s kinda like i can either stop here, or keep going for a looong time. i think i’ll stop by saying that someone responded to a previous post of mine, in which i ended by asking “so… when did you last make a difference in someone’s life?” well, she made a difference in my life. it’s amazing how much of an impact we can have in another’s life by simply smiling, or saying something nice, or by letting them merge in front of us, etc. the little things make the biggest difference. thanks amy.

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ok, i’ve done it. i put a nail in the wall and hung up a clock. i know, i know, it’s a big step for someone like me. but i have officially put down roots. i made a decision, and followed through with it. and it’s kinda permanent, too. the clock can be moved, yes, but the hole will remain. i have scarred my pristine walls.

i also want everyone to know that this post should satisfy at least three women. kate & laura, for bugging me about hanging something up on my walls, and eliza, for bugging me about updating my journal. can i *please* go back to halo now?

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